i'm goin to the beach for a week...woooooooooord up 2 chillin'

Freddy's Apprentice

a short story i wrote for my magazine...the theme for the last issue of the magazine was "relationships and sex" and since me and the rest of the staff are always tryin to push the envelope i came up with this...it was freddy week on tbs or somethin and i had freddy on the brain so he got in there, in the end though we decided that it was too sick and fuckin nuts to place against the other short stories...oopsie...enjoy =)


freddy's apprentice

i love to kill. murder. blades. blood. screams. getting away with it all. it's so beautiful. it's better than sex, and much more addictive. i love to kill.
i've killed so many people that i lost count, but that's only because i ran out of room on my body to scar another tally. it's gotten much more surreal since i lost count. and i've figured that i never had to count in the first place. it must be because i love to do it. and as with every great job, it just feels good. you don't really care about rewards.
man, but lately i've been having these dreams. this guy in a hat, blades on his fingers. i figure this guy loves to kill too. he's fuckin' fitted blades to his fingers. that's fuckin' awesome. if only everybody would take this much pride in their job...
anyway, i love murder so much that every victim gets special treatment. i try to paint pictures. write poetry in blood. hey, i know a poet. he's a pretty sick motherfucker, and oh, how he loves to write. i love to kill. i am a poet too in that regard.
one of the "birds" i "set free" (taken from my journal) was fifteen years old. she was beautiful. blonde. overdeveloped in the body and underdeveloped in the mind. my favorite kind of fuck. illegal to say the least. ha, i never lied to her. i told her how i love to kill. she laughed. she didn't believe me. underage girls don't like to drink beer so i got her bacardi limon (obviously). i drank as many heinekens as she took shots, and mind you i was drunk as hell. after sex she passed out, and i was finally ready to make love.
i sent her blood everywhere. it was so beautiful. her coitus even did some of the work for me. i put the blood on the wall. she put it on the sheets. then, i fell asleep. totally satisfied. totally in love with my bride which, sadly, death did us part.
i consider that my love. my art. my way of contributing to the world. it turns out i wasn't the only one who shared the vision. as i was asleep i suddenly awoke, still dreaming. i saw the man again. i said, "i had a dream about you." the man with blades for fingers said, "you still are, brother." i wasn't scared, i was very intrigued. maybe it was the hat. every killer should have one and anyone who loves to kill knows this. "what's your name?" "freddy." "OH SHIT! father, i'm sorry i didn't recognize you. i know i should of but, i mean i didn't really think it was you. i didn't think i'd ever be lucky enough to be in your grace."
"Don't worry, son. i'm here to show you love."
i knew what he meant.
"mr. kreuger, i believe this is the start of a very beautiful relationship," i said as we descended into the boiler room.
i always had a passion for knives. i have blades for fingers now.


... wow ... very well done ... but ... wow ...
Posted 8/4/2004 3:10 PM by gods_baby_angel

whoa... very nice.
Posted 8/6/2004 11:33 PM by secrets_unfolded

"a moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers"

Saddest of Songs

i break off these thoughts
and become lost in a world
that is void of all pain
i've destroyed what had
poisoned my veins
what of girls? what of me?
let them find
i believe in my fate and i follow it blind
when i die, don't be sad
you should smile and know
that i left this whole world
hoping you would do so
not to cry as i'm gone
but be happy as that's how i'll live
every word that you heard
turns to birds, you just pray
that my soul god forgives
i have turned
i have changed
i am happy
that's different
that's strange
that is interesting
tears turn to sand
look at me
now the saddest of songs
with no blood left to bleed
© 2004


when i read that "look at me" stood out so bold, i actually wanted to really see...
Posted 7/28/2004 3:54 AM by revolting

Natural Born Killers

Currently Watching
Natural Born Killers
By Woody Harrelson, Juliette Lewis
see related

"i remember everything about our time

every secret you ever shared

i remember every single time you laughed

and your dancing...

i lie in my bed and go over every day

and every second of our happiness

i take it all as it comes and i live that day again

that way when i get to our first kiss

they're not just memories

...i feel that joy again..."

- natural born killers


so u're still hangin on 2 something th@ isn't real.
b careful john please........u'll get hurt if get blinded again....i don't want both of us crying again.......talk 2 me l8er please --me
Posted 7/26/2004 8:43 PM by kAnDi_KrIsSy

Vindicated by Dashboard Confessional

every so often a song comes along and makes someone like me believe again...

...vindicated...

hope dangles on a string
like slow spinning redemption
winding in and winding out
the shine of it has caught my eye

and roped me in
so mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
i am captivated, i am

vindicated
i am selfish, i am wrong
i am right, i swear i'm right
swear i knew it all along

and i am flawed
but i am cleaning up so well
i am seeing in me now the things
you swore you saw yourself

so clear
like the diamond in your ring
cut to mirror your intention
oversized and overwhelmed
the shine of which has caught my eye
and rendered me so isolated
so motivated
i am certain now that i am

vindicated
i am selfish, i am wrong
i am right, i swear i'm right
swear i knew it all along

and i am flawed
but i am cleaning up so well
i am seeing in me now
the things you swore you saw yourself

so turn up the corners of your lips
part them and feel my fingertips
trace the moment
fall forever

defense is paper thin
just one touch and i'd be in
too deep now to ever swim against the current

...so let me slip away...
...so let me slip away...
...so let me slip away...

so let me slip against the current

...so let me slip away...
...so let me slip away...
...so let me slip away...
...so let me slip away...

vindicated
i am selfish, i am wrong
i am right, i swear i'm right
swear i knew it all along

and i am flawed
but i am cleaming up so well
i am seeing in me now
the things you swore you saw yourself

my hope dangles on a string
like slow spinning redemption

...smile...

...so let me slip away....



danielle...i kept my promise...save your pencil....thank you...


is that fr. vindicated? i love that song ssssooooooo much......i haven't heard fr. u in a while....have u 4gotten about me? or have u just been buzy? everybody's always 2 buzy 4 me.......maybe it would b better if i wasn't hear any more........
Posted 7/24/2004 8:01 PM by kAnDi_KrIsSy

Dreamer

there's a dreamer in the mud
doing what a dreamer always does
wishing he was clean
just wishing to the stars above
at least the stars that he can see

so deep his hands have dug
thru dirt to search for who he was
and with his frozen feet
he walks upon his love
toward somewhere he will never be

"take my advice or you'll curse the day
you started rollin' down that lost highway" - jeff buckley

i started walking when i learned to think
and drowned my tears inside a drink
i woke up happy, then the snow would fall
until the spring would thaw

the crows would cry as snow would spill
and they flew farther than i ever will
i dream to fly one day
i dream, i dream to fly away
© 2004



wonderful. it left me breathless and anxious to read on.

<3 cheers

Posted 7/23/2004 4:14 AM by revolting

birthdays have changed...i remember my pool being filled with laughter...i remember the almost-mystery of the toys hiding behind the wrapping paper...i remember the games...tonight i drank my beers and smoked my cigarettes...tomorrow i'll do the same with most of the same people that were in the pool...22...i'm not sad though, not by any means, i'm so happy, so happy...it's my fuckin birthday! haha word! =)...such a glorious day...i realized as i was driving to work today that i was in the middle of my past and my future...and oh, i saw a bright future...tragic too...so sweet...be glad you know me...look for my name...it's gonna be a glorious day...=)


Happy Birthday bro!
Posted 7/23/2004 2:35 AM by PsychedelicSelektah

"In The Event Of My Demise" and "And 2morrow" Both by Tupac Shakur

in the event of my demise

in the event of my demise
when my heart can beat no more
i hope i die for a principle
or a belief that i had lived 4

i will die before my time
because i feel the shadow's depth
so much i wanted 2 accomplish
before i reached my death

i have come 2 grips with the possibility
and wiped the last tear from my eyes
i loved all who were positive
in the event of my demise



and 2morrow

today is filled with anger
fueled with hidden hate
scared of being outcast
afraid of common fate

today is built on tragedies
which no one wants 2 face
nightmares 2 humanities
and morally disgraced

tonight is filled with rage
violence in the air
children bred with ruthlessness
because no one at home cares

tonight i lay my head down
but the pressure never stops
knawing at my sanity
content when i am dropped

but 2morrow i c change
a chance 2 build anew
built on spirit intent of heart
and ideals based on truth

and 2morrow i wake with second wind
and strong because of pride
2 know i fought with all my heart
2 keep my dream alive

- both poems by 2pac

at midnight it'll be my birthday =)...so sweet

wrote a new song, don't have the words yet...they'll be here...smile



happy birthday sweetie
Posted 7/20/2004 6:34 PM by revolting

happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy bithday to yooooooooouuuuuuuuu, happy birthday to you ...

*is done singing now*
Posted 7/20/2004 11:00 PM by gods_baby_angel

I Got Hungry Again... "Be Ready"

let me show you what happens when i get so hungry
these words get real bloody, these thoughts
oh, they don't stop for nothing
disrobing and slowly exploding
you know me, you know how this happens
i can not control me
i never once looked before leaping
i never once held back a secret
so when i was speaking you only heard truth
that's the truth
and i think that's the difference in me and in you
so disgusting, so lucky
i never got broken in half
when the world tried to fuck me
i took it and laughed
i forgot but i'm back
now more deadly
this all starts again
so i hope you are ready
© 2004


... wow ... strong and angry ... i've written a few strong and angry ones lately ... very well done ...
Posted 7/20/2004 11:03 PM by gods_baby_angel

The King of Evermore

once upon a time there was a king and he had everything
you ever wanted, ever seen, and ever lost, and everything
you've ever dreamed, well, he was of the highest angel core
that lived inside the shadows of the hallowed land of evermore

his castle rested in the clouds, so high you wouldn't know
unless you saw the smoke that made his quiet kingdom grow
and on the ground, the people of the land had dreamed to be him
even though they never had the chance to even see him

they wondered, "does he have a name? the king of castle cloud?
why does he not speak with us, the king who's vapors shroud?"
what they did not know is how he watched the people wishing
he could show them all the magic that their lives had all been missing

but he couldn't, see, the reason that his castle was so high
is that you wouldn't understand his mind, and you would wonder why
the others fly, the others which i speak are few and far between
and no one really knows the pain they feel, you've never seen

a heart that couldn't find the peace to live for it's tomorrows
the more the joy, the more that is destroyed inside it's sorrows
still, the people wondered who he was and who he wasn't
"why won't he come down? oh, we do not know why he doesn't"

oh, the wonder grew, until they couldn't wonder anymore
and then a thunder came from underneath the clouds of evermore
a light so bright and blinding was seen shining on the ground
and then the king came walking down the silver lining of the cloud

the people didn't know just what to do, they stood as still
as i imagine they had ever stood before and ever will
oh, and then their eyes were opened wide until they stung
because they knew that he was just about to speak a prophet's tongue

"open up your ears and listen closely to my word
because the truth is something i am thinking you have never heard
i am not of you and you are not of me, but we
are all a part of everything, and everything we'll be

if you can find the magic in your tragedies to rise
then you will, too, be blessed with your own magic in your eyes
but know that you don't know a thing until you wonder why
goodbye, i hope to see you once again inside the sky"

and, still, to this day, in the clouds is the king
in his shrouds with his dreams resting under his wings
and he waits in his kingdom in hopes that you find it
oh, but it seems that you people are blinded
© 2004


"and he waits in his kingdom in hopes that you find it
oh, but it seems that you people are blinded"
Indeed. Some people are blinded. and that's sad. But many no longer are... As i said earlier, BEAUTIFUL!

Posted 7/7/2004 2:09 PM by secrets_unfolded

-breathes- no words come to mind. <3

Posted 7/9/2004 8:15 PM by revolting

WOW...........
i thought i was alone.....
i guess there r more than a few people who feel that way........

(especially kAnDi_KrIsSy)
she's sweet.......i think u r 2.......

Posted 7/12/2004 6:35 PM by hrt_brkr

if you can find the magic in your tragedies to rise
then you will, too, be blessed with your own magic in your eyes
but know that you don't know a thing until you wonder why
goodbye, i hope to see you once again inside the sky"

... ^ ... the best part, i believe ...

... beautiful poem ... in a different class as the rest ...

Posted 7/12/2004 9:09 PM by gods_baby_angel

wow vereee ..... interesting. u realle now how 2 write.

:)

Posted 7/16/2004 5:49 PM by sylichee

Understood (By John for Me)

This girl, she says
She's lost and dead
I want to show her
She is precious

And then she says
She's sick and weak
I want to give her
All the love of which i speak

You keep your heart
Hold your head up so high
Breathe with me
I'll show you of the sky

She lacks the years
She shows no fear
She knows of something
I have learned while shedding tears

But who is she?
How does she know?
I guess some people grow up fast
Before they die so slow

You keep your heart
Hold your head up high
And breathe with me
I'll show you of the sky

You hold your heart up to the sun
We'll both be dead before we're done
You hold your heart up to the sky
I hope you smile, someday you will know why
© 2004

Dear God,

i understand your sunsets now...they balance out the pain of the rest of the day...and of days before...and of days to come...those couple of minutes...i thank you for them...i just want to know why i was meant for so much fucking pain...i know you've seen me crying in my bed asking you "why?"...just repeating it...and repeating it...why?..all i ever needed was love...instead you gave me a so called "gift" that allows me to tell the whole world, in a very prolific manner, about how bad it feels to be crushed...thank you...maybe it's not me...maybe she's just scared...but i can't stop telling her and i can't stop loving her...and i wonder if you ever knew how it felt to speak such beautiful words filled with truth and the response was laughter..."john, you are the cutest thing i've ever seen"...yeah, i am adorable...thank you very fucking much for that god...that does me real good...ask her for a kiss and more laughter...thank you god...thank you for the gift you gave me...i don't know what i'd do without it...i'd probably smile...i'd probably be happy...i guess i'll be happy when i'm dead and i see the roses on my grave...watch her kiss my cold lips from the clouds...thank you god...thank you for my pain...i owe you one...
sincerely,
john


... ouch ... your pain is so palpable ... and i ached when you said "and i wonder if you ever knew how it felt to speak such beautiful words filled with truth and the response was laughter" ... perhaps because i do know what that is like ... don't curse your "gift" as you put it ... one's command over words should only be revered ... and soon, you will get what you give, tenfold ...
Posted 7/6/2004 1:58 PM by gods_baby_angel

DAMN!!

i really thought we were on the same level of pain...

maybe not though....i moved on......i became numb..... just like u said i would......i'm sorry i gave up....but it was killing me...& the hardest thing about this world is just 2 live in it.......so i'm trying 2 make it as easy as possible.......

Posted 7/6/2004 3:37 PM by kAnDi_KrIsSy

I am very sorry you're in such pain, but why blame this on God? Since when does God play Cupid to fulfill our desires and human wishes? He is above all that and can see how things will fall in place when we can't. What you should ask yourself is why does this girl mean so much to you if she treats you that way? She doesn't deserve your love. Anyone who throws something like that away is (for lack of a better adjective) not very nice. I am truly sorry you're hurting, but remember: once you hit the bottom, the only way to go is up. ---Praying 4 ya!
Posted 7/8/2004 9:43 PM by AcrosstheSky

you were from a perfect world...a world that threw me away today...today...to run away...a pill to make you numb...a pill to make you dumb...a pill to make you anybody else...fuckin beautiful


this gives me mixed emotions.
Posted 7/4/2004 7:39 AM by revolting

... i liked this ... for personal reasons ... it reminds me of me ...
Posted 7/5/2004 3:12 AM by gods_baby_angel

i got a show to do in four days...25 poems and 5 songs...3 of the songs are my own...the other two, well they could change at any time but right now they stand at "lost highway" and "in the garage"...but tonight i think that's gonna change...me and bob had a strange night, i fuckin love that kid, we had a strange night...started out how it always does, at lombardis, takin shots drinkin beers...then everyone went to gina's house...then we got a phone call from jenna sayin they're at the meadowlands fair so word we do that up...no beers...fuck...so we get some gyros and head to the bar by where we live and NO ONE is in there...its the bartender and two bikers...and the juke box...i play songs bob aint heard in years...we're doin shots left and right...november rain caused a big round...bob calls tom and al who are in cali and tom tells bob to tell me they were at the santa monica pier...word...so i dropped bob off and if you knew bob you'd know he was never happier about an evening that fell apart...and tomorrow...barbeques and beers kids...barbeques and beers...oh, the point of this story is that bob asked me if they had "wild horses" by the rolling stones on the jukebox and i said "shit i didnt know they wrote that!" and i'm thinkin bout sacrificing "in the garage" for that song...i hope i can learn it real quick...cuz i got a show to do in four days

Lucky by Radiohead

Currently Playing
OK Computer
By Radiohead
see related
- lucky



...lucky...

i'm on a roll
i'm on a roll this time
i feel my luck could change

kill me, sarah
kill me again with love
it's gonna be a glorious day

pull me out of the aircrash
pull me out of the lake
cuz i'm your superhero
we are standing on the edge

the head of state has
called for me by name
but i don't have time for him

it's gonna be a glorious day
i feel my luck could change

pull me out of the aircrash
pull me out of the lake
cuz i'm your superhero
we are standing on the edge

we are standing on the edge



Now that's a great song! laaater oh and Happy Friday.

Posted 7/2/2004 12:45 PM by secrets_unfolded

Idea-thief!!!

Posted 7/2/2004 5:44 PM by secrets_unfolded

<3
Posted 7/2/2004 7:41 PM by revolting

These Things Are So Sweet

I AM: me
I WANT: everything
I HAVE: my guitar next to me
I WISH: i wish i didn't have to
I HATE: idiots
I MISS: the love
I FEAR: nothing
I HEAR: everything
I SEARCH: more than you do

I WONDER: more than you do
I REGRET: nothing
I LOVE: too much

I ACHE: and you read
I AM NOT: wrong

I DANCE: the happy dance
I SING: all the time
I CRY: i used to
I WRITE: to live
I LOSE: every day

I CONFUSE: everyone
I NEED: a house on the beach

I SHOULD: run away

I CANT: live in this world


word. laaaaaaaater
Posted 7/1/2004 5:40 AM by secrets_unfolded

i think i might borrow this later. :)
Posted 7/1/2004 5:58 AM by revolting

hey John, I like that, very much...very well done
Posted 7/1/2004 7:16 PM by anonymous